i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
