At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
