I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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