Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
