So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
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I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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