Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?