Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow