The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
