i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You were trust falling into bushes
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
