Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
