remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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