This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
