carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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