theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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