id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
