he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
