I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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