i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
