Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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