They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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