watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
