hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
