But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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