highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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