that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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