girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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