Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
