I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
