Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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My dream of liquor pitchers came true
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
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She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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