dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
is it fun? or sober?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
