Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
