He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
