We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
