remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
