4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
