Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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