Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
a search helicopter?!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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