If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
