I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
