We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
