Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
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His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
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It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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