Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
