A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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