I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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