I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
