bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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