Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
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Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
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I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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