i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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