while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
