we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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