i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
