just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
