he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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