You were right. It hurts to walk today.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
