Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
