that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
