Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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