You smell like a Billy Joel song
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
