He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize