Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
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After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize