Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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