Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
